Send In The Clones

Something strange has been happening in Tinseltown. I mean, there's always something strange happening, but this is stranger than usual. And the weird thing about it is, we Unbelieva-types did not realise it until somebody pointed it out to us. It all started a while back when we noticed something odd about football star Luis Suarez.

He turned out to be a genetically modified mutant, created using the DNA of Erik Estrada, Adam Sandler, a piranha fish and a llama. The group responsible was called Scientific Modification Using Digital Genetic Enhancements - or S.M.U.D.G.E. for short.

We sorted it all out and thought no more of it until just recently when no less a person than Billy Ray Cyrus (another of our network of moles and informants)dropped this picture in our mailbox, with a Post-It note attached saying, "Looks like S.M.U.D.G.E. is still up to no good, dunnit?"

This got us to thinking, and we think we've come up with some pretty convincing evidence that S.M.U.D.G.E. are still out there, doing their evil mutation thang. F'rinstance...

Have you ever noticed a similarity between James Carville

 and THIS guy?

Don't you think if you took DNA from these two...

and cooked it up a little bit, you might just get

Vince Offer?

Sham-Wow! indeed. 

Not only that, but I refuse to believe that Gary Oldman was merely watching a rerun of The Simpsons when preparing to become Commissioner Gordon...

And don't even get me started on this guy...

So, folks, it would seem that S.M.U.D.G.E. are up to their old tricks. I'll let Michael fill you in on our investigations later in the week.

Oh, and by the way - they may have been up to this nonsense for far longer than we thought. Example? Well, here's famous Victorian-era poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning...

and here's this dude.

What The Scheeble Happened?

The scene: The Unbelievabase, dateline: yesterday. Around 6 a.m.

A knock on the door (which is odd, since we live below a laundromat - I mean how did they get in at 6 a.m.?).

CLARK: I'll get it.

MICHAEL: OK.

CLARK: Jeff, get that for me would you please?

JEFF: Whatever... (answers door) Yes, can I help you?

LARRY SCHEEBLE (for it is he): Hi, neighbors. I just checked the pharmacy and they were out of Placidyl - about 30 years ago.

M, C & J: SCHEEBLE?!

LARRY: Yes, you noisy bastards. Tone it down, willya?

M,C & J: What th-

LARRY: I suppose you're all wondering why I, of all people, am your neighbor?

M,C & J: Well, frankly, yes.

LARRY: I, Larry Scheeble, the camp nerd from all those years ago that you mercilessly made fun of...

MICHAEL: Ulp.

LARRY: You're wondering how I managed to find out the location of your secret base, how I managed to procure the property opposite, and why I keep complaining about the noise?

JEFF: Yes.

LARRY: Well, it was pretty simple really. Don't forget, I too am a graduate of Camp Action!, the summer camp for would-be spies, crimefighters and secret agents (not to mention ninjas). And you guys all thought I was a wimpy geek who'd never amount to anything. So you made jokes about me, imitated my nerdy voice and feeble ways, and made my time at Camp Action! a living hell.

JEFF: Well, I wouldn't go that far...

LARRY: Hush! I'm talking! Despite the bad time I had at Camp Action! because of you guys, I was equipped with the same knowledge that you all were. And after graduation I enlisted for police training. then I went into the CIA, then the FBI, then MI5, MI6, KGB, VHF, and BBC. And I tracked you down. That was easy.

CLARK: But why go to all that trouble?

LARRY: You wanna know why? You wanna KNOW WHY???!!

M, C & J: Um, yes. We really wanna know.

LARRY: TO DO THIS!!! (Lunges forward, attempts to give Michael a wedgie, realises Michael is going commando, fumbles for a bit, gets red in the face, slowly backs away towards the door)

M, C & J:....

LARRY: (mumbles) Bastards... (shuts door)

MICHAEL: That was weird.

CLARK: It was, wasn't it?

A timid knock on the door.

JEFF: (opens door) YES?!

LARRY: Um... I don't suppose I could borrow a cup of sugar?

MICHAEL: Get lost, Scheeble.

LARRY: Righto. Right. Bye then. (backs off)

M, C & J: Bye. Weirdo.

Scheeble?!

Well, we knew we'd find out eventually who the utter pain was that had been leaving us notes. Oh, we made sure that that person would eventually have to cross swords with us, because we started to become extra-annoying in a bid to push this person's buttons just a little bit more. We cranked the volume on the Blaupunkt up to 11, stuck this note in the same place they were leaving notes...

and waited for the inevitable excrement to hit the air-conditioning.

However.

Little did we expect THIS.

Larry Scheeble. Yes, THE Larry Scheeble. Larry Scheeble, the nerd that Michael did merciless dead-on impersonations of when we were all at Camp Action! when we were young'uns. Suffice to say, when Larry came a-knockin' on our door to complain in person about our noise and shenanigans, we were shocked, stunned and surprised. And a little embarrassed.

What was really surprising, however, was what Larry had to say to us...

Pest

Sure ... we're suave and stylish and world-famous.

But that doesn't mean we don't have our own little problems to deal with.
 
And no ... I'm not talking all the bad guys and girls whose paths we regularly cross.

I'm talkin' John Q. Public, your average Joe Schmoe. More so, the person who doesn't seem to have anything else to do other than make a nuisance of him/herself.

We all know people can be a pain in the back of your front at times. And Stiletto Falls, Nevada (home base for The Unbelievables) is no exception.

Supposedly, we make too much noise at night. So much that it's been bothering the neighbors. Which is funny because our headquarters is based in a laundromat ... where there isn't a neighbor around. If we were ever in need of borrowing a cup of sugar, we'd be SOL. 

A note was left on our door one night. We caught whiff of it the next morning when Clark ventured out to get the paper. (People sure like to leave us notes, y'know?)

"Hey, guys," Clark came bounding in, paper and note in hand. "We got a note."

"From who?" I asked.

"Dunno," Clark responded.

"What's it say?" queried Jeff.

"Unbelievables:

Night time is for sleepy time! Tone it down you guys ... or else!

Your Neighbor in the neighborhood"

"Huh," Jeff and I huffed together.

As stated, we don't have any neighbors in our neck of the woods. (And Miss Riss, who's located practically across the street from our headquarters, doesn't count. We consider her more than a neighbor.) So getting a note from a "neighbor" makes this rather the curious affair.

"We could check the Unbeliev-cams and see who left it," Clark suggested.

Jeff chimed in. "Where's the fun in that? Why don't we leave our own note in response. And, to make sure whoever left it sees it, we'll throw a raucous party tonight. Chances are they'll probably return."

We were all in agreement.

Here's what we left:

And that's when things got interesting ...

Summer is here

Even though it has nothing to do with the Summer Solstice, Memorial Day Weekend is generally considered the beginning of the season of summer. That sounds good to us. We love swingin' in the summertime. It's time to get into the heat that's coming off the street and eat to the beat where the elite meet to be discrete.

It means it's time to adjust our styles (and our clocks...or did we already do that?) accordingly.



No more of this...

But plenty of this...

Is Michael even wearing a suit??

Time to put this thing in storage...

And get this gorgeous babe out of dry dock...

Far less of this...

But plenty more of this...

And always dressed appropriately, of course.
As in, not like this...

But definitely like this...

"Where's Jeff? Oh, we sent him to fetch a jar of pickles. Ha ha ha ha ha!"

Him ... And Hymn

Jeff left out one little detail about our Memorial Day celebration:

Furious D.

I mean ... of course Memorial Day is all about  remembrance of the people who died while serving in our country's armed forces. But that doesn't mean we can't have a little musical accompaniment to go along with that remembrance, right?

And don't you think The Unbelievables' own Furious D has at least a few patriotic tunes to go along with the grilled burgers and dogs? You betcha!

Happy Memorial Day

Well, folks, it's Memorial Day and you know what that means...

Splashin' around with the Unbelievababes?

Well, no, actually what I was thinking was... BBQ!

However you celebrate on this Memorial Day, take time to remember and appreciate those hard working men, women and animals of the Armed Forces, whether it be Army...

Navy..

Air Force...

or Marines...

We salute you!