Where's Michael? Don't worry, we know where he is.

You may have come here Friday looking for Michael's contribution to this week's plotline, the conclusion. If you did, you were disappointed because it wasn't here. Unfortunately, Michael was unable to file his report due to getting too close to the subject matter, which is a fairly routine occupational hazard for us. Specifically, the bulb-headed boob Walter Palmer found out we were on his trail and thought he'd deal with that by trying his hand at hunting the deadliest game: Unbelievable.
This was obviously another huge mistake and miscalculated judgment on Palmer's part. Michael's fine (of course) but it's standard company policy to get a day off when somebody tries to kill us. Michael took his yesterday and Jeff and I forgot to cover for him.
Oops! Sorry!

Visually Similar

On Monday, Clark was discussing the case of Walter Palmer, the lion-murdering scumbag dentist from Minnesota (if you don't know who he is, how are you even on the internet right now?) and how we Unbelievables are pitching in and helping to locate this king-sized douchenozzle. Clark wondered why this guy looked familiar, and posited the theory that we have perhaps had a previous run-in with this armpit stain of a man.

Well, I immediately headed to the computers for a look through the files, but nope. No luck. So then I thought I'd try the fount of all human knowledge, the Interwebs.

In particular, the great function produced by right-clicking on an image.

That's right. The bottom one.

When I searched for that image of Mr. I Killed A Lion, Isn't My Penis Huge? represented at the top of this page on Google, it gave me several different sizes of that same image. Then it gave me several 'visually similar' images. That's right, lots of pics of bald guys with glasses on. It wasn't much to go on, but it was a start. Trouble is, there are lots of people who look similar. On the plus side though, it allowed me to eliminate a lot of folks from our enquiries.

Hmmm.

There were even a few girls.

Well, now. We may have to investigate this one a little further (Hello, ladies!!!).

After much sifting, there were a few red flags. These are pending further investigation.

Looks shifty.

Something not quite right about this one.

....

Now we may be getting somewhere.

I think I sense a pattern here.

Michael will give you more info on Friday. Till then... ciao!

The Most Wanted Walter since White

It should come as no surprise that The Unbelievables take a dim view of poaching and poachers. Simply put, poaching is cheating and cheating is unjust. So it should come as no surprise that we're assisting in the pursuit, arrest and eventual prosecution of the creepy critter-killing dentist, Walter Palmer.

This shouldn't be that difficult; he's a dentist from Minnesota. A cursory search of nearby bowling alleys should turn up some good leads, although his ability to drop over $50,000 on international wildlife killing sprees does make him something of a flight risk (and how does that make you feel about the cost of a good cleaning, Minneapolis dental patients?). Once we find him, things will take their course. Normally, this is the kind of low-hanging fruit fly we'd leave to the Totally Believables (aka regular law enforcement agencies) but when somebody is basically the most hated person in the whole wide world, we feel kinda obligated to pitch in.

Actually, the more I look at pictures of his pasty goon face, the more he looks familiar. Is it possible we've dealt with this boob before, and if so, how did we not kick him out of a window and preemptively spare the world from this? Maybe Michael and Jeff have some insight into that...