The Unbelievables: Trains

Friday, November 13, 2015

The end of the line (this time)

We disembarked at Death Valley where we were met by this guy...

THIS GUY: "Greetings, Unbelievables. I am... The Conductor!"
MICHAEL: "Yeah... And?"
JEFF: "What do you want? It's hot out here."
THIS GUY THAT WE NOW KNOW AS THE CONDUCTOR: "Oh. Well, yes. I have brought you all here..."
ME: "Come on already, what's your deal? You're a conductor. So, what, you lead orchestras or something?"
THE CONDUCTOR: "What? No! Trains! I'm a train conductor. You came here by train. There's a whole theme here!"
MICHAEL: "Ugh. We hate trains."
JEFF: "Yeah. Hate 'em."
CLARK: "I'm kinda ambivalent towards trains, for the most part. I hate this one though, because it brought us out here to you, and I definitely hate you. Already."
THE CONDUCTOR: "I'm going to ignore all of that and just tell you that I have kidnapped the world's greatest entertainer, Rod Stewart! That, and I am going to harm him. And there's nothing the vaunted Unbelievables can do about it! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!"

MICHAEL, JEFF, ME: "..."
THE CONDUCTOR: "Well?"
MICHAEL: "Okay, I am completely lost."
JEFF: "Me too. What exactly is your point here?"
ME: "Yeah. What does Rod Stewart have to do with trains?"
THE CONDUCTOR: "Are you kidding me? Rod Stewart loves trains. He loves them! The irony here is palpable!"
MICHAEL: "He has one song about a train. Big deal."
JEFF: "Well, to be fair, he also covered 'People Get Ready', which is pretty thick with train metaphors."
ME: "That doesn't qualify any of this as ironic, though."
THE CONDUCTOR: "You guys are nuts! I'm not even talking about his music. Rod Stewart is a renowned model railroader!"

Huh. Who knew?

That was an interesting reveal. It's always fun to learn about the hobbies of celebrities. But anyway, we beat the living pulp out of The Conductor (note to would-be villains: spring for some hired muscle henchmen and at least make it a challenge), rescued Rod, who came back to Stileto Flats with us where he performed a free concert that still somehow raised a million dollars for charity.

What can we say? The cat is good!

He was so appreciative and gracious that we arranged for his travel home; via the Unbelieva-Jet, NOT by train.

"Ready for boarding when you are, Mr. Stewart."

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

That (Death) Train, Rolling Down The Tracks ...

Jeff hit the nail on the head: "Oh, how we hate trains."

Current challenges in taking them today present more of a struggle than a pleasure. Just as the nature of flying has changed over the last few decade (excessive luggage charges, food effacement, more) iron horse travel isn't what it used to be.

We've resigned ourselves, however, to put our discomfiture aside and do what we need to do to get to this "top secret meeting" via locomotive transport under our belts. Besides, it's a free trip on our part and filled with incentive.

What? Jeff didn't mention that fact?

Yes, our jaunt comes filled with bonus extras tailored to entice us into the venture in an effort to make our journey a bit more agreeable all around.

Booze, broads and victuals are all "on the menu" so to speak. And while sophisticated cocktails during happy hour, stimulating intellectual companionship courtesy of the fairer sex and exquisite subsistence may be the order of the trek, we're still "on the job" and alert to the possibility the entire affair may be one big trap.

But we don't think so. There are too many overt amenities someone has gone out of the way to provide for it to be your household, garden-variety bait and switch ...

Lavish accommodations (of which we admit are eye-wideningly surprising on a train) ...