Of Cat Faces and Bum Legs

Look:

I don't know what all the big deal is with "Shifty-Leg" Solar Sue and the guys' interest between she and I but I'm here to tell you I WASN'T THE CAUSE OF THE TWISTY POSITION OF HER BUM LEG ... !!!

And that's final!

Let it be known I respect Captain Space and Solar Sue ... and even Bleep-Blorp isn't that bad a piece of machinery. (He's useful on occasion.)

Cosmo, on the other hand ... well ... as I've usually said: The only good cat is a flat cat. They don't pay attention, they're pains in the ass who do their own things without regard and they secretly suck the life-breath out of you when you sleep at night. (Here's one more little tidbit about the foursome: Steve Space isn't partial to Cosmo either - he tolerates the furball just to keep Sue on the happy side of the fence.)

I thought about detailing the time The Unbelievables and our interplanetary compatriots joined forces shortly before we put the Unbelieva-Base in order at our digs in Stiletto Flats, Nevada ... but I'm not quite certain that's declassified. Because ... you know ... it has to do with Sue's bum appendage ... possibly.

Guess I'm going to have to get clearance for that first ...

Kraktos, Explained

Captain Space, Solar Sue and Cosmo, along with the infinitesimally astounding Bleep-Blorp, will now explain about the constant threat posed by The Globe Gobbler, Kraktos.

CAPTAIN SPACE:"Well, folks, this is Kraktos.

Kraktos is called the Globe Gobbler because, well, that's what he does. He floats around the galaxy looking for stray planets that nobody will miss much, and than, whenever he feels peckish, gobbling them."

SOLAR SUE:"You said it, Cap! He sure is a hungry one!"

COSMO:" Miaow!"

BLEEP-BLORP: "Bleep! Blorp-bleep! Blorrp!"

CAPTAIN SPACE: "Exactly. Well, a lot of good honest folks don't quite know what to make of this sort of thing. All the time I get asked questions like, 'Captain Space, why does Kraktos do what he does? Why's he so hungry all the time, Captain Space? Captain Space, what gives with this fellow?' and y'know, I understand their frustration and perplexment, I really do. And I gotta tell ya, it was something that made us scratch our ol' noggins a time or two, that's for sure!"

SS: "You said it, Cap! We didn't know what was going on!"

C:" Miaaaoowwee!!"

B-B: "Bleeepp-blip-blip-blip blorrrp bloob!"

CS: "Well, a while ago we found out more about this here Kraktos character. Turns out he started life as an Earthling - an Iowa boy to be exact. And wouldn't ya know it - his kid sister runs a little lunch counter-cum-tavern in Grafton called - wait for it -  "The Gobbler's Roost"!

Best biscuits and sausage gravy from here to Mason City.

Yes, there she is, proudly purveying her fried chicken stripettes with tequila slammers, Darla Storakk (an anagram of Kraktos!) says lil' brother Eddie (Kraktos' real name) had a raging appetite from day one. He ate from morning till night, becoming so big that he needed a winch to get him on the school bus. This led to a lot of bullying from which he never recovered, poor lil' fella."

SS: "You said it, Cap! He had a lot of issues!"

C: "Mee-yooowww!!"

B-B: "Blob blob blobbb!"

CS: "Hey, now, cool it, Bleep-Blorp! Enough with the fat jokes! Well, he got so big that one day he just simply took right off into the air like a blimp, into the ionosphere, higher and higher until he finally just started floating around in space, looking for his next meal. We figure if he ever does choose to eat the Earth, he'll start at The Gobbler's Roost! If he does, by golly, we'll be ready and waiting!"

SS: "You said it, Cap! Pass the deep-fried potato skins and a Jager bomb!"

C: "Meeeeee-oooo...ow."

B-B: "Blorp blop! Bleeb!"

CS: " Now Bleep-Blorp! I've told you before, Solar Sue does NOT have a drinking problem! She simply has trouble unwinding after a hard day's crimefighting in space! That, and her leg still gives her serious gyp."

Thanks, Captain Space and friends. Now we know more about Kraktos, we can rest a little easier at night.

Our interplanetary pals

A lot of people wonder if we, The Unbelievables, restrict our butt-kicking crime fighting and general good guy-ery to the planet earth.  We do. Not because there isn't villainy afoot among the stars and not because we don't want to, because there is and we don't. But there are actually people better suited to that kind of thing. Specifically, our chums Captain Space and Solar Sue. What are the odds that a guy named Steve Space would grow up to be a commissioned astronaut flying around the Milky Way, busting space smugglers and battling star squids? Probably about the same as meeting a girl named Solar Sue with similar interests. Together with their cat Cosmo, they designed a crime fighting robot named Bleep-Blorp for which George Lucas should probably be thankful he hasn't been sued. Speaking of Sue, her seriously deformed left leg (injured under mysterious circumstances that Michael always refuses to discuss, for some reason) frequently leads to her being taken hostage and put in sexy metallic outfits before eventually being rescued by Captain Space, Cosmo and Bleep-Blorp. Other than those sporadic setbacks, this is a formidable team and we can all sleep better at night, knowing that they will blow up any eclipses that threaten to trigger the rise of Kraktos, The Globe Gobbler.
Let's see what Jeff and Michael have to say about these asteroidinal do-gooders!