The Dogs Of Rock

So as Clark was saying on Monday, Ringo is all about #peaceandlove, as are we Unbelievables. And one of the ways we ensure the peace and love quotient of the world is being maintained is with the help of our global network of undercover operatives, moles and informants. But did you think that all of our undercover operatives, moles and informants were humans? Tsk tsk. Surely you remember the story of the Double 'D' Dames and their sinister involvement with one Mac Ramey?

This dude.

You do? Then no doubt you remember that we couldn't have cracked the case without the help of our canine chum, Ulf The Unbelievadog.

Good boy, Ulf! Cuff'em and stuff'em!

Well, would it surprise you to learn that we have a global network of Ulf's poochy pals who are specially designated to keep tabs on the rock 'n' roll community, and alert us to any situation where a rock star might be getting in too deep. Not the usual rock and roll excess, you unnerstan'. That's par for the course in the music biz. No, we mean when rock stars do things that are a bit too un-rock'n'roll. Need a few examples? I thought so.

Jim Morrison gave Parisian Labrador Phaideaux here no end of trouble - writing poetry and wanting to be taken seriously etc. 

Skipper was there to make sure Bret Michaels' coffee-table book of, ahem, "Artistic polaroids" never saw the light of day.

Fizzer was on hand guarding Keith Richards from the perils of fundraising for disabled veteran Test cricketers.

Even Ringo needed help from Fluffbag when he foolishly started wearing turtlenecks.

Janis Joplin, shown here with Mister Squiffles, who alerted us to the fact that Janis was ordering clothes from the Sears catalog. How un-rock'n'roll!

Here's the amazing Gruff-Gruff with Fab Macca Wacky Thumbs Aloft himself. Gruff-Gruff is shown teaching Paul how not to be a total nob who's completely up himself.

Ozzy was best pals with Squeeks, or Agent X-7a as we knew him. He would bite Ozzy's ankles whenever he caught him clipping coupons.

The Spotzenheimer twins making sure that Roger Daltrey behaved himself in the sheep pasture. 

Fred and Dorinda Basset teaching a young E. Presley, Esq. how NOT to pull up his socks.

Last but by no means least, Simon Weimaraner helping a brain-addled Trent Reznor off the carpet in the lobby of the DoubleTree Suites. He'd tripped on a kink in the rug after one too many double mocha cappuccinos.

So as you can see, were it not for the intervention of certain furry four-footed friends, the history of rock might be quite different from the way it is today. And it's not just dogs, either.

Tibblekins acted as a therapeutic pet for Joey Ramone when he was all angsty and feeling like buying La-Z-Boy armchairs. His soothing purr made Joey all happy again.

Only trouble is, spending time among the rockers of the world can rub off on you, as Jose Fur-liciano found out when he was adopted by Keith Flint of Prodigy.

We are all part of the All-Starr Band

You can't spell "Beatles" without "Beat". Take the Beat away and you're left with Les. I have no idea who Les is. Nice guy? Maybe. But he's not four cheeky lads from Liverpool who forever changed the way we do everything, from holding hands to coming together. And who kept the Beat for the Beatles? Ringo Starr, that's who.
For the longest time, people have sought to diminish Ringo's contributions to what is arguably the greatest rock band of all time, which is unfortunate, misguided and unfair.
If you're one of these people, simply take this short quiz and find out how wrong you are:

HOW MUCH DO YOU REALLY KNOW ABOUT THE BEATLES?

Were/Are you John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison or Ringo Starr?

a) Yes

b) No

• If you answered "a", you get 100 points. Unless you're lying, in which case you get zero points because we do not reward liars.
• If you answered "b", you get zero points

SCORING:

• 100+ points = You know a lot about the Beatles!
• 0 - 99 points = You don't really know anything about the Beatles.

"B" respondents: None of these guys is you

So as you can see, you either know how important Ringo was to the Beatles or you know nothing at all. Either way, there's no point in us telling you about it.

Ringo Starr is a man who has dedicated his life to promoting the concepts of Peace and Love, just like us. He does it though music and being a benevolent spirit. We do it through butt-kicking, style and driving the ladies wild.

We love you too. Relax.

He celebrated his 75th birthday the other day and we wish him the best.

More Peace and Love from Jeff and Michael later this week...