Mysterious Trax

"Looks like we can expect problems from this lot, should we end up tangling with them (though whether or not it turns out to be actual mayhem remains to be seen).
More news as and when." - Jeff, yesterday

That's when the phone rang (around here, when the phone rings or the mail arrives, it's often coincidental with whatever is going on at the time). It was Henri Petit.

PETIT: So hey, about that Hammertrax Gang. We should probably go get them before they cause any serious trouble, thereby cutting into anyone's already-established serious trouble business. Don't you think?
ME: What are you talking about? The only 'we' that exists between you and The Unbelievables is how wee you are, you wee pest.
PETIT: Oh come on. This would be an ideal opportunity for a non-conventional team-up! Like when the Fantastic Four and Namor the Sub Mariner put aside their differences long enough to battle some common threat.

ME: That's a what-if scenario and you know it. Listen, we don't want whatever cookies you're selling, little girl.
PETIT: Little girl?! That's sexist!
ME: It's not sexist because it's not demeaning women as a gender. I'm referring to you as a very specific individual little girl named Daphne who wears pigtails, is ugly, smells bad and sings "la la la" while trying to jump rope. And now I'm hanging up on you, Daphne.
PETIT: Wait!! Don't hang up! I lied! I do know the Hammertrax Gang!
ME: (hesitantly) Go on.
PETIT: They're friends of mine. Or they were. At least I thought they were.
ME: That figures.
PETIT: But not anymore! We're enemies. You need to know that. You also need to know that they hacked the Electro Evil-Doers Index Of Troublemakers (or E.E.D.I.O.T.) to throw you guys off. Here's what they really look like:

Of course, we were on a video phone (L to R: Chong, Liam, Guido)

ME: Great Scott! They're children. Vile, ugly children who probably smell terrible. Like you!
PETIT: What?!? No, I am not a child! How many times... Look, I'm not a child and neither are they. We're all mature adults. But we have certain physical characteristics in common. That's why we were drawn to each other and I thought we were friends. You see, what happened [click]

Petit suddenly stopped talking because I had gotten tired of hearing him talk and hung up on him. Things are getting very strange indeed. The Hammertrax Gang hasn't actually done anything but this still bears further investigation. Of course Petit is lying, but how much? Can somebody actually hack the Electro Evil-Doers Index Of Troublemakers (or E.E.D.I.O.T.)? Could there really be a whole family of genetic nightmares like him out there? Do we even care, if they're more focused on messing with him than us? And how do Floating Jack McFadden and Miss Sterious, Mistress Of Mystery fit into all of this?

We've got some digging to do!

Trax Listing

Ah, yes. The Hammertrax Gang. The gang of numskulls who kidnapped Petit (or did they? Call me cynical, but I don't trust a single word that comes out of Henri's mouth - apart from "Ouch!", "Ooof!", "You're breaking my arm!!" or "Please don't kick me out that windoooooowww....CRUNCH!")They have bragged that they are devious and clever, and promised us mayhem, but thus far - not a peep.

So, in the meantime, let's see if we can't find out who they are exactly?

Well, as they mentioned in their little note, they are named Liam, Guido, and Chong. They popped in a little picture, too, but as it turns out, this was a still from an old silent film. 

Note evil eyebrows and massive 'tache.

Searching through the Electro Evil-Doers Index Of Troublemakers (or E.E.D.I.O.T.) for the names Liam, Guido and Chong Hammertrax turns up these rather more recent pics:

Guido...

Liam...

and Chong.

However, it turns out there are two more members of the gang - 

Miss Sterious, Mistress of Mystery, and...

Floating Jack McFadden, The Bandit That Floats.(Kind of a redundant name, really, since we can already see that he floats.)

So... not three, but five, and one of them is able to float around while another is a rather attractive (if heavily armed) babe. 

Looks like we can expect problems from this lot, should we end up tangling with them (though whether or not it turns out to be actual mayhem remains to be seen).

More news as and when.