Spreading the acronyms

As Jeff pointed out on Monday, a lot of this internet/texting shorthanded jargon originated with us. That IS true, but we did have inspiration... sort of. This is Preston Nygard, the publisher and editor-in-chief of the Stilleto Flats Picayune...

"Make it snappy. I'm a busy man."

...And this is his firstborn son, Skippy "Scoop" Nygard, a reporter for the venerable newspaper his daddy runs.

"Duh... Wha-a-a...?"

When we first began operations and started gaining some notoriety, it became Skippy's primary assignment to report on our exploits, of both the crime-fighting and social varieties. As a result, he's always around. We once asked the senior Mr. Nygard why he assigned Skippy to cover us and he said, "As I'm sure you have already figured out, Skippy is not exactly the most capable individual. But he is my son and I love him. I figure if he's around you and anything ever happens, you're there to protect him." I replied to him, "Are you sure about that? I kind of hate Skippy. I dream about kicking him out of a window some day." Jeff said, "Me too. If it ever came down to saving a super villain or saving Skippy, I'd be conflicted." "Oh yeah", said Michael. "If we're ever running away from a horrible fire, I can't promise I won't trip him." Mr. Nygard smiled and said, "I'll bear that in mind, but the odds are still better than if he tried to get through life on his own".
As you can imagine, having a member of the press constantly underfoot, chronicling our every step, it's no wonder that things we say to each other get picked up and distributed to the general public. But in the case of these acronyms, many of them began as subliminal suggestions resulting from onomatopoetic noises coming from Skippy.
You see, Skippy is a heavy smoker who subsists entirely on a diet of fried grease products. He is a wheezing, gassy little man from whom a constant stream of odd noises and smells emanates. For example, a barely concealed belch sounds like "Rawful", which we subliminally translated to "ROFL" which we then adapted as the far-less-disgusting acronym for "Ready, O'Charley's For Lunch". Here are some other examples:

• "Burrbbbp" (after eating almost anything) = BRB - Bad, Really Bad
• "Buttwah" (trying to cough up yet another chicken bone) = BTW - Bring The Weaponry
• "Bufforfin" (unsuccessful attempt to stifle smoker's cough) = B4N - BBQ For Nine
• "Buffuffuff" (slightly more successful attempt to stifle smoker's cough = BFF - Be Fast, Friend -or- Bring Female Friends
• "Fud" (what he calls anything edible) = FUD - Fish, Undercooked, Diarrhea
• "FuhWeeWee" (his sneezes...weird, eh?) = FWIW - Five Weeks In Woolloomooloo (very, very specific, and a story we will reveal later)
• "I'm a ho" (proudly expounding on his lack of romantic discretion) = IMHO - It May Have Ostriches
• "Eerrrllll" (projectile regurtitation of too much "Fud") = IRL - In Red Lincoln
• "Eye So'" (description of a run-down abandoned building) = ISO - I'm Speeding Over
• "Jjkkk!!" (attempting to expel mucus after consuming dairy products) = J/K - Jeff's Knish
• "Luhmow" (yawning) = LMAO - Let's Munch At O'Charley's or Let's Munch At Olive Garden
• "Lawel" (unknown; just a noise he makes sometimes) = LOL - Look Out Lads -or- Leave Off, Larry (another really specific one)
• "Muhoti" (his mother, we think) = MHOTY - My Hat's Off To You
• "Nnnnnpppppp" (An expulsion of intestinal gas that goes horribly, horribly wrong = NP - New Pants -or- No Pants
• "Ohmguh" (Gasping for breath while eating something chewy) = OMG - Oprah Might Go
• "Oat" (A kind of meal he will not eat) = OT - Overtime (in reference to extra pay incurred during stakeouts)
• "Pove" (Nickname for his buddy Maury Povich) = POV - Person On 'Vette (one of Clark's personally specific ones)
• "Le Mayo" (condiment he asks for when dining in a French restaurant) = LMAO - Letting My Air Out (?)
• "Rawful" (See above) ROFL - Ready, O'Charley's For Lunch
• "Errttt!" (Noise he makes when his heart stops, which happens frequently) = RT - Relaxin' Time 
• "Thhorxxt" (attempting to just go ahead and swallow a chicken bone he was unable to cough up) = THX - George Lucas is snooping around again

The bottom line: Skippy is gross.

LOL, RT, LMAO

Everywhere you go these days, the "kids" and pretty much everyone else who has been outside their front door since 1974 are using their mobile devices to communicate with one another, either by chatting, messaging, texting or anything that isn't making actual phone calls.

Remember about 20 or so years back when everyone was getting into the Internet and using chatroom lingo and then a few years later when people started texting using all those abbreviations? Yeah, well, we were pissed about that (and still are, to a degree).

Why? Because it was our idea. We have had handheld mobile communicators since virtually day one. We recognised the need to be able to call each other in an emergency or to share an in-joke or two at some villain's or one another's expense. In our business you never know when the need arises to quickly summon the team together and fight off some would-be ne'er-do-well's fiendish plot. Time, in these situations, is of the essence.

So we devised a simple system of acronyms and abbreviations that could be speedily input into the Unbelievatext™ Wrist-O-Matic™ devices to effectively send these otherwise time-consuming messages.

Unfortunately, though, some of these leaked out, and they were then appropriated by "the kids" and altered for their own purposes. As for who leaked the information, my money's on Kip the Mail Boy.

You might recognise most of the following list, but I bet you never knew what the original meaning was, did you? 

BRB - Bad, Really Bad

BTW - Bring The Weaponry

B4N - BBQ For Nine

BFF - Be Fast, Friend -or- Bring Female Friends

FUD - Fish, Undercooked, Diarrhea

FWIW - Five Weeks In Woolloomooloo (very, very specific, and a story we will reveal later)

IMHO - It May Have Ostriches

IRL - In Red Lincoln

ISO - I'm Speeding Over

J/K - Jeff's Knish

LMAO - Let's Munch At O'Charley's or Let's Munch At Olive Garden

LOL - Look Out Lads -or- Leave Off, Larry (another really specific one)

MHOTY - My Hat's Off To You

NP - New Pants -or- No Pants

OMG - Oprah Might Go

OT - Overtime (in reference to extra pay incurred during stakeouts)

POV - Person On 'Vette (one of Clark's personally specific ones)

LMAO - Letting My Air Out (?)

ROFL - Ready, O'Charley's For Lunch

RT - Relaxin' Time 

THX - George Lucas is snooping around again

SWAK - Sent With A Knish

TLC - Tipsy,  Lost Control

TMI - Too Much Irish (Whiskey)

WTF - Where's The Fire?

XOXO - Xylophone, and stock cubes.

So there you are. I bet some of those really surprised you. I bet you're also wondering how we are able to divulge this info. Well, since the leak, we abandoned these acronyms and went back to using these fab headset devices instead.

Well worth the $35, not to mention the $400 installation fee, I trust you'll agree.