I scream, you scream. Stop screaming! It's just ice cream!

Mmm-MM! Who doesn't love ice cream on a hot summer day, or on a cold rainy one for that matter? Criminals, that's who! Deviants, delinquents, malefactors, miscreants and the lactose intolerant.
That's fine. Those shabby hooligans don't get to enjoy these fine flavors of creamy iced-ness.

BUTT-KICKING-ER PECAN
Smooth and creamy with little nutty speedbumps to keep you from breaking the speed limit and gobbling it up too fast, painfully freezing your frontal lobe in the process. This is our take on a classic favorite. "We already know about butter pecan; it's a classic favorite", you say. I know that. I just said so. This is where the KICKING sets in. It's infused with gun powder-flavored testosterone! Two licks in and you'll want to take your shirt off, run outside and lift some weights or beat up some muggers.

STYLISHBERRY SWIRLCAKE
Looking good is important. Tasting good is even more so. We start with genuine Armani strawberries, grown on a tuxedo farm in upper Tuscany. Then we add chunks of George Clooney's wedding cake, mix them up with a cummerbund and some elegant cufflinks. We then parade it up and down a catwalk at a fashion show in Paris, not allowing anyone to sample or photograph it. After Elton John writes a song about it, which is turned into a full-scale Broadway musical. After that is turned into a touring production that visits Chicago, Los Angeles and Toronto but before the rights are available to community theater groups in Cheboygan, Lafayette and Toledo, it's finally time to let the public have the ice cream.

TAWNY ECRU UMBER MAHOGANY MOCHA COCOA DUSKY DEFENESTRATION DELIGHT
This one is just good old fashioned chocolate ice cream, served in a bowl fashioned from the broken glass from all of the various windows Henri Petit has been kicked out of over the years.







So there you have it. We've each presented our three favorite Unbelievable ice cream flavors. Which one is YOUR favorite?

Unbelievably Delicious

Things sure are heating up around here! Not only have our exploits been made into a video game, but a famous manufacturer of ice cream whose name shall for now be kept a secret (we don't want any industry 'moles' leaking secret recipes and so forth) have pitched us the idea of a limited-edition line of Unbelievable Ice Creams. They want us to come up with our best ideas for our flavours, so what we thought would be fun would be to describe our ideas to you this week and then you folks, our dear readers, can get to vote for your favourites. We each get to suggest three dynamite flavour combos for you and then you tell us what you want to see in an ice-cream cone.

The maufacturer (whom we shall refer to henceforth as 'Jen & Berries' just to make it easier on everyone)will then take our winning ideas and start to develop them into actual, real ice creams for public consumption. OK? Here are my three suggestions.

1. JEFF'S WHIPPED POTATO DELIGHT Mashed potato and roasted garlic (the caramelisation of the roasted garlic brings out the natural sugars) are the key ingredients here, folded into whisked egg and double Jersey cream, a touch of sugar and a pinch of basil. Spread out thinly and quick-frozen, then shaved and packed into tubs. Whaddya think?

2. UNBELIEVABANANA The idea for this one comes from my favourite cream-based cocktail recipe, The Banana Cow, which involves rum, grenadine, creme de banana and heavy cream. BOOM. Recipe? Why sure. http://cocktailblender.com/recipe/banana_cow.html It's a big favourite at our cocktail and weenie roast soirées.

3. BUTT-KICKIN' BUTTER PECAN Basically, butter pecan and butterscotch ice creams are swirled together with chunks of Butterfinger bars and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, with a central core of salted butter and caramel. EMT's on standby for this one. Here's a mock-up of the carton.

Wednesday, Michael will present you his shortlist. Ciao!