Bob Diggity, no doubt

Jeff liked Bob.
Michael did not.
I was in the middle.
Hey, there was simply no way he could be nearly as bad as the last guy.
Unless he was that bad or possibly even worse.

So I followed Michael down his rabbit hole.
His first reason for being anti-Bob was his last name: Diggity. A simple search of Bob's genealogical history revealed that he is a direct descendant of Sir Bob of Diggity, who famously led the Raviolists to victory over the Shermites in the battle of Dachshund in 1843.

Second, he didn't like the disparity he found in photos of Bob. Well, everyone knows that sometimes people look different in photos, due to a variety of circumstances...

So no big deal there. Which left one thing: Michael's insistence on giving the job to Paris. What (beyond the obvious) was up with that?

As it turns out, Paris is the captain of a team in Michael's clothing-optional volleyball league.

There's a heated rivalry at play between these two teams and Michael had wagered a position of employment with Paris during their last match. Michael's team lost.

One wonders how hard he tried to win though.

Further investigation revealed that Paris isn't remotely qualified for the job, a fact of which she is painfully aware, Her plan was to call on her teammates to help her out from time to time.

All for one...

Bottom line: We hired the infinitely qualified Bob for the mailroom... AND we found positions for Paris and all her teammates in the newly created Unspecified Administrative Tasks Department.

EVERYBODY WINS! 

I Don't Like Bob

The kicker was this: I didn't like Bob.

And I let it be known I didn't like him, either.

"What's wrong with Paris the redhead?" I asked the guys. "I'm certain the Unbelieva-Babes won't mind a 'Paris The Mail Seductress' added to the fold," I tried to reason.

Do you see any problem with Paris taking over the mailroom duties? Neither do I ...
But I was overturned. Things like "the mailroom is sacred ground" and "there's no need for distractions while our fanmail is being sorted" and "there are only so many duties that can be performed in high heels" were among the many (substandard) excuses bandied about.

I relented. But I wasn't giving in.

Oh, sure, Bob could use a mailroom scanner ...

... but doesn't everyone know how to use a mailroom scanner?

There was something a bit skeevy about Bob Diggity, his last name being not the least of it all. I couldn't put my finger on it. I began doing some digging ...

... and came up with this previous image of him:

Looks like a red flag photo to me ...

 
Right then and there, the tables turned regarding Bob's "qualifications ...

What About Bob?

As you might recall from a couple of weeks ago, Kip, our mail boy, turned out to be a makeshift robot with a latex skin piloted by that tiny pipe-smoking holy terror tot Henri Petit. Once the jig was up, we found ourselves without a mail boy. So naturally we received hundreds of applications almost immediately, and we have been conducting interviews this week, which is why this post is late. 

Most of the applications were accompanied by photos that looked like these:

We hurriedly turned these applications over to the Unbelievababes and they excitedly pored over them. The girls do get bored on the odd occasion and the prospect of showing the ropes to some new blood filled them with glee.

There were also some more 'professional-looking' CVs, such as this one:

This is apparently "Glenda Campbell". However, we soon discovered this pic had been taken from a catalogue for office furnishings.

We had narrowed it down to two candidates when this one was also revealed to be a fraud, as well as a terrible actor.

I'm happy to say I think we have found the ideal candidate. Ladies and gents, may I please welcome to the fold...

Bob Diggity, office guy extraordinaire. Here he is, getting the Unbelievababes to help him get settled in.  As you can see, he's our kinda guy.