Len Scapp, unofficial official Unbelievables photojournalist

What The Unbelievables are to international crime-fighting and romance, Len Scapp is to the world of art and fashion photography. He's stylish, charming, flambouyant, passionate and utterly adored by the ladies (hello ladies!). He's also infatuated with us.

Shortly after the interaction that Jeff detailed previously, he scrapped all of his other projects and devoted his life to following us around and documenting our adventures. "The Unbelievables! They shall be my greatest accomplishment, a never-ending, always-changing, work-in-progress, sexy and violent real life performance art captured in an ongoing series of still photographs!" That description, delivered in person by Len to the World Humanity Organization of Art (W.H.O.A) led them to present him with a lifetime achievement award which came with a self-repleneshing annual grant of $3 million, a huge trophy, free french fries at Hardee's/Carl's Jr and an uncomfortably moist hug from W.H.O.A chief administrator Maurizio Von Skreech.

"Where are you going? I was not quite finished hugging you! Wait...okay, never mind. I am done now."

Of course, we're very proud of our role in helping Len reach this level of achievement but he's a highly talented artist in his own rite, as illustrated by some of his previously published art installations...

This is from "A World Without Lighters". It was followed in quick succession by "Models Without Hair".

This one is from "Miniature Models Making Major Messes". Len sought the smallest models he could find, paired them with the largest props possible and spent two weeks screaming, "KNOCK IT OVER! THAT'S IT! SPILL IT! SPILL IT, YOU GORGEOUS, FRAIL, UNDERAGED, ANOREXIC, NOT-QUITE-A-MIDGET, NARCISISTIC WAIF!!" and capturing the results on film.

Of course, this is from "Paging M.C. Escher" in which high fashion models in haute couture were displayed on architecturally impossible sets, given a cell phone and told to call the famed Dutch graphic artist and ask him how to get down.

"Carl's Jr.". We're not sure but we have a feeling that Len just really likes Carl's Jr.

This is all fine with us. Len's a good enough guy and we kind of like having our work documented. But in spite of what people think, he is NOT our official photographer. That honor belongs exclusively to none other than the even more stylish, charming, flambouyant, passionate and mononymous Sprezzatura.

Hello Sprez!!

Freakin' Clown Art

*shudder*

At some point, I knew either Clark or Jeff was going to bring that plate up on the site. Freakin' thing gives me the willies.

And both of them know how I feel about clowns: 

"Clowns to the left of me, clowns to the right, all those silly faces want to BITE! BITE! BITE!"  

*shudder*
 
Look: I know I'm supposed to be following up with my two compatriots' posts regarding the subject at hand: Art. But the fact of the matter is there's NO way I'm going to be able to concentrate on the subject when I have a CLOWN permeating my grey matter, violating my thoughts and encompassing everything I'm trying to write!

Which only goes to show crime fighting isn't for the faint of heart. Sometimes you need to set your fears off to the side and deal with the situation at hand. And that's just the story with "(Soulless) Child And Clown" ... one of the most heinous examples of art ever created.

Hokay ... maybe I've taken enough deep breaths to calm myself down a little bit. Hokay ... yeah ... I think I'm good for a while ...

Art. All right. You want to see art? Innocent art that doesn't dredge fearsome thoughts in the middle of the night like those freakish, face-painted, smiling pasty mugged jesters? Here you go:

An innocent, becalming piece with a child being cradled lovingly by a fox. (Or is it a wolf? It doesn't matter.) See? The scene shows a comforted child, even in the embrace of a fearsome carnivore. She's restful and blissful and asleep. She doesn't have those soulless eyes Clark mentioned with the kid and the clown on the plate. *shudder* See how this girl is the picture of contented slumber? If you're going to produce art - especially art with children in it - for Pete's sake do it in such a way it doesn't require therapy after viewing. Like this one for example:

With Easter right around the corner, I thought this one was rather appropriate. And by that I mean ... IT'S NOT! That pony-tailed cutey is damaged for life, I tell you! There's no going back after that kind of traumatizing episode! Poor little girl! Yet ... there's some freakoid out there who things this will make a cute-as-all-get-out picture to hang on their wall, complete with a two-toned double matte, tasteful frame and boasting the image behind glare-free glass. Cripes and cripes! Have people no shame? Didn't whoever subject the tot to the confines (and obviously horrible grabbing back) of the faux Easter rabbit to the tune of the kid practically busting a tear duct?!? Animals!

You know what I've heard? People take those Peeps marshmallow chicks (which are sacrilege to begin with) and put toothpicks in them, face them at each other in a microwave and have "Peeps Wars" with them! Microwaved, they expand and keep on expanding in an ever-widening Peeps marshmallow bubble until one of the toothpicks pierces the skin of the other Peep and it explodes inhumanely! Barbaric! What ... they call THAT art, too?!? And on Easter, even! What's the world coming to?!?

Clowns. With children. As art. *shudder* I for one am against it. As a member of The Unbelievables, I promise we're going to hunt the villains down who perpetrate this sort of "art" and bring them to their knees! We're on a mission to rid the world of clowns as art, whether they have children in them or otherwise.

Because clowns aren't art - they're evil.

*shudder*