Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Add The Unbelievables To Your Christmas List!

The fantastic "The Unbelievables" game in stores now!
Ready to stuff a Christmas stocking!
Offered in a highly-prized retro package as shown, too!
(Boot wearin' Unbelieva-Babe not included)

Notoriety sometimes has its downsides, you know.

And, in our case, that of The Unbelievables, it goes without saying.

But we're big boys. We can handle it. In most instances the notoriety is nothing more than sour grapes from some jealous source who can't handle the truth, that The Unbelievables' standards are merely dreams to them, attainability that's simply out of reach.

Especially to our villainous foes.

Case in point: The new Unbelievables multi-level gaming extravaganza titularly titled The Unbelievables. (Original!) There's so much tasty goodness in each playing level (not to mention within the bonus play areas of the game such as the aforementioned
Clark's Defenestration Station) that hours and hours of fun are guaranteed for the entire family.

Here are a few features of the game to tickle your fancy:

 Multiple player formats so you can share all the excitement with your friends and family!

Hundreds of realistic disguises! No game play is ever the same!

Secret, unlockable levels such as the challenging "The Telephone Game" ...

Tons of weapons to choose from, many geared specifically for the ladies!
(Hello, Ladies!)
Realistic worlds, venues and backgrounds ...
Heinous villains, some female! *shudder*

 "I play The Unbelievables! You should, too!"
Celebrity tested and endorsed ...

... and by some rather unexpected celebrities.
(Don't worry, Jane Goodall. We won't leak your secret obsession!)

Of course, our villains will have a tough time navigating the various levels of The Unbelievables. But we're sure they'll buy it just so they can delve in and try to unlock some of our successes. Good luck, ne'er-do-wells!

Even Santa approves of The Unbelievables. Put it on your wish list!

Monday, November 28, 2016

Having A Smashing Thanksgiving

Well, as you may or may not have noticed, it was Thanksgiving last week.However, we were still reeling from Clark's unfortunate moment of incarceration and his troubles with Henri Petit and the now-disgraced Officer Sixpack Bicep and were too tired to do anything about Turkey Day Dinner. However, the Unbelievababes were on hand, saw how down in the dumps we were and pulled out all the stops to make our Thanksgiving a pleasant and happy one.

It was unseasonably warm on Thursday here in Stiletto Flats, so Barby Kewribbs whipped out the charcoal grill and got some spatchcocked pheasant starters sizzling and getting our mouths watering.

Then the beautiful Sue Donymm surprised us with some whoppers, glistening and moist and ready to be tasted. Turkeys, that is.

There were some lovely side dishes prepared by the delightful Jill O'Salad...

and the groaning board was a sight to behold.

The whole thing was so enjoyable that we completely forgot about all that unpleasantness with Petit.

Well, almost completely. Clark spent a couple hours playing his newest favourite video game - The Unbelievables (in stores just in time for Christmas, folks!) - specifically the special level named Clark's Defenestration Station where you can relive again and again some of Clark's best out-of-window-kicking-and-chuckings (see below).


Friday, November 25, 2016

You Can Probably Deduce What Happened ...

Here's what we did about it:

Officer Sixpack Bicep of the Stiletto Flats Police Department appeared to be on steroids. Steroids, as it turns out, are a big fat no-no in the "illegal substance statute" that falls under several Stiletto Flats penal codes. So, putting in motion a rumor that Officer Bicep might be partaking of such to some of the higher ups in the department?

Boom. Instant dismissal of charges.

Which was almost as instant as the dismissal of Officer Sixpack Bicep of the Stiletto Flats Police Department. See you later Officer Bicep! And your nepotism-laced ways, too. Pretty easy stuff.

The bigger remaining question ("Why?") was rather simple to answer: It was because of Petit and his vindictive nature.

Naturally, once Clark was sprung from the slammer, he went directly to the little twit's hangout and unceremoniously did this to him:

And (while it wasn't exactly politically correct or even nice to have done so) Jeff and I watched in admiration as Petit eventually went kersplat on the pavement below.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

It's Not What You Know, It's Who You Know

On Monday, Clark posed a pertinent question:

 "Henri Petit was able to put ME, an actual card-carrying Unbelieveable IN JAIL! How?? WHY?!? Does he have a better lawyer than we do?"

Good point. Who IS Petit's lawyer, anyhoo?

A little digging turned this up.

None other than his lawyer cousin, Harry McLittle. His lawyer motto? This.

And that's not all. Harry McLittle's brother-in-law? This guy.

Officer Tony 'Tiny' Small, with the Tahlequah, OK Police Dept. And his second cousin twice removed on his mother's side? THIS guy.

Detective Inspector Jock McTitch of Scotland Yard. And HIS best friend?

Wee Seamus O'Nipper, the world's most dapper leprechaun. And HIS brother-in-law?

Officer Sixpack Bicep of the Stiletto Flats Police Dept. 

So now we know who greased whose palms in order to get Clark banged up in the slammer. The question remains...


And WHAT are we gonna do about it?

Monday, November 21, 2016

Moving forward with the matter at hand

Okay, so maybe I touched up my jail photo a little bit, you know, for aesthetics. And maybe the original looked more like this...

And maybe I have a preference when it comes to certain foods. I don't trust nature, okay? What, you put a seed in the ground and in a couple of weeks you pull a potato out of a ground and you're just supposed to pop that in your mouth? That's the sketchiest thing I've ever heard! No!
No, you take that potato and run some science over it and dehydrate it and make it super-concentrated so when you add water to it, it's amazing. That's how you do food!

Anyway, let's re-focus; Henri Petit was able to put ME, an actual card-carrying Unbelieveable IN JAIL! How?? WHY?!? Does he have a better lawyer than we do?
This is what we need to work on right now!

Friday, November 18, 2016

Factual Errors


I have a few questions for Clark about his entry for Wednesday. I assume you read the whole shoddy report and you know what I'm talking about.

Firstly of all - I know you're a ladies' man, Clark, as are we all (hello, ladies!!!), but I know darn well that the Stiletto Flats jail is NOT, repeat NOT co-ed. Therefore I have serious doubts about the veracity of this picture.

Seriously? We're meant to buy this?!
Secondly, and this is the main point, I am heck-fire sure that Clark's tale of prison potatoes being better than mine is a giant fib, designed for some reason to wind me up. Why Clarkito should see fit to make a joke about the quality of my whipped potatoes is beyond reason - I mean, I use fresh ingredients - potatoes, butter, salt, pepper, etc.(don't want to reveal all the ingredients - it's a secret recipe, for flip's sake), and everyone knows fresh ingredients beat reconstituted pap any day of the week. But just to make sure, I took it upon myself to go visit this guy Lucky at the jail and see for myself. First thing I saw was row upon row of these -- 

which explained everything. For it is a well-known fact that Clark has a weird fetish about artificial chicken flavour anything. I mean anything. And not just chicken, either. Take a look at some of these things that I have personally seen Clark consuming:

Clark, your taste buds must be shot!!

P.S. I met this guy Lucky - wooden leg, missing ear, almost blind, hearing aid, mostly missing dentures, missing digits, several large warts, hunched back and a speech impediment - and asked to sample the potatoes. He agreed and handed me a bowl full of runny gunk. Quite simply, they were MESSAGE REDACTED FOR SECURITY PURPOSES MESSAGE REDACTED FOR SECURITY PURPOSES  in my life. So there you have it. In your face,Clark!

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

I may not have helped my own defense effort...

Yep, I got arrested.
When they showed up to get me (after requesting autographs and selfies), the officers said, "Uh, Mr. Brooks, we hate to do this but you're being charged with Aggravated Assault on a Mr. Henry Pet-it." They don't speak French, I guess. That's all right, I knew who they were talking about. I have certainly Assaulted him and it's because he Aggravates me, so...
"Okay, sounds about right. Let's go." I hopped in the back of their squad car and away we went.
Hey neat! I've never been in the back of one of these before!
We got down to the jail station precinct whatever, did some paperwork (more autographs and selfies) and I was assigned to a cell with two other inmates.
If I'm being honest, which I am, so far, jail was not too bad. Oh sure, there were more than a few criminals there who hold a grudge against The Unbelievables and tried to kill me, but that's gonna happen.
Pretty soon it was dinner time and here's the amazing thing; they served whipped potatoes and they were better than Jeff's! I asked what the secret was and the chef (a guy naked Lucky who was in for boosting car stereos) and he said, "they're dehydrated flakes and we add water." Mmmm! Look into that, Jeff!

Anyway, Mr. Poon arranged for my bail and I'm out now and we need to do something about Henri Petit again, I guess.